‘love’ is a three-part series featuring songs from the soundtrack of ‘love,’ a film by gaspar noe. I watched this film for the first time during my stay in hospital, when I was admitted as an inpatient for depression.
I actually didn’t enjoy the film, I found it shallow and superficially strained, an attempt at intimacy but a try-hard attempt. I watched the entire thing though, and found the only factor that made the film watchable to the end was the soundtrack, which made otherwise spurious scenes quite erotic and enjoyable to watch.
this period of my life was a particularly pivotal one, it was the very first time I said something kind to myself. up until my hospital admission I had never once spoken inwardly with tenderness, the concept of self-compassion and self-love was alien.
practising self-compassion for the first time sparked an irrepressible compulsion to create reactive, performative pieces of instinctive movement. choosing to move to the soundtrack to noe’s ‘love’ seemed apt, reclaiming it as an authentic memory of love rather than the depthless one I had from initially viewing it; mirroring my present progression from my former state of deep depression to one of self-compassion.
staging a defiant self-performance that conveys my rejuvenated character and awareness of self was something I wanted to do, for myself. I’m finally at peace with myself and love being inside my body at last, all qualms I would have previously had about connecting with my surroundings and environment have been vanquished; my radically new self-perception of my form, desires and self-awareness insisting upon their collective conveyance.
this series is an exaggerated portrayal of new-found self-love.
‘love, p1’ running time 3:21
‘love, p2’ running time 3:11
‘freaks’ running time 3:37
ciana fitzgerald 